Saturday, April 30, 2011

Now We're Stepping on Their Necks


I'm writing a paper about inner-city violence and one of the sources I'm using is this giant, dusty, frayed and beautifully falling apart old book I found in the library. Being from the 1800s, it smells very much as all old books should. It's by W.E.B. DuBois, a super famous sociologist dude that I'll probably be an expert on by the time I graduate. Anyway, the book is called "The Philadelphia Negro" and it's a study about post-slavery urban inequality among the black population of Philly. As I was looking through it, I found this bit of treasure that made me both sad inside because of the consequences of this line of thinking and glad that even in 1896 there was someone who understood the profound absurdity of racial injustice. Figured I'd share. 

“And still this widening of the idea of common Humanity is of slow growth and to-day but dimly realized. We grant full citizenship in the World-Commonwealth to the “Anglo-Saxon” (whatever that may mean), the Teuton, and the Latin; then with just a shade of reluctance we extend it to the Celt and Slav. We half deny it to the yellow races of Asia, admit the brown Indians to an ante-room only on the strength of an undeniable past; but with the Negroes of Africa, we come to a full stop, and in its heart the civilized world with one accord denies that these come within the pale of nineteenth century Humanity. This feeling, widespread and deep-seated, is, in America, the vastest of the Negro problems. We have, to be sure, a threatening problem of ignorance but the ancestors of most Americans were far more ignorant than the freedmen’s sons; these ex-slaves are poor but not as poor as the Irish peasants used to be; crime is rampant but not more so, if as much, as in Italy; but the difference is that the ancestors of the English and the Irish and the Italians were felt to be worth educating, helping and guiding because they were men and brothers, while in America a census which gives a slight indication of the utter disappearance of the American Negro from the earth is greeted with ill-concealed delight. 

Other centuries looking back upon the culture of the nineteenth would have a right to suppose that if, in a land of freemen, eight millions of human beings were found to be dying of disease, the nation would cry with one voice, “Heal them!” If they were staggering on in ignorance, it would cry, “Train them!” If they were harming themselves and others by crime, it would cry, “Guide them!” And such cries are heard and have been heard in the land; but it was not one voice and its volume has been ever broken by counter-cries and echoes, “Let them die!” “Train them like slaves!” “Let them stagger downward!”

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Grand Adventure of Staying Put

I've been wrestling for the past two years or so with the idea of staying in one place for a long time. It's nice to know I'm not alone:
http://burnsidewriters.com/?p=14826

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Because I Think the Whole World Should Write Like Dr. Seuss

Today was the end of my favorite class
And it's not just my favorite because I did pass.
It's one of the greatest I ever have taken
Which is saying a lot, cuz I could have forsaken
The butt ton of reading that kept me awake in
The late late hours, but instead, they awakened
My heart and my mind to care quite a lot
About the systems that we, more often than not,
Let run our whole lives without any thought.

Alas, the 8:30 classes are through
To the end of the semester, I say: wahoo!
But about this class ending, I do, I really do
Think I'll miss the conversing about the taboo,
For the people who talk about these things are few.

It couldn't have ended any better though.
You see, I found out just a few weeks ago
That a boy in my class named Pierre didn't know
About Dr. Seuss or who he was -- I KNOW!
So filled with much woe, I asked my professor
If we could fix this, soon after his lecture.
With fervor I told him I was the possessor
Of the book called the Lorax, about the oppressor
Named Once-ler who chopped down the truffula trees
And out of their flourishing land he did squeeze
The bar-ba-loots, humming-fish and beasts such as these.

He said "bring it next class and I'll have you read it.
We've been talking about this stuff and so indeed it
Will fit with my lecture about what we should do
As the church that is seeing what things will ensue
When the world uses assets we cannot renew."

So although it was our last class today
And I was quite sad as I did say,
I did get to end things in quite a fun way
With Seuss for Pierre and Dr's words to obey:
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

So even though the great class is all finished
What I will take from it can't be diminished.
I really do care about this quirky, broken place.
I want to make it better and to do that with grace.
I want to disrupt systems that oppress and debase
The value of people -- Jesus' beautiful face.

But I can't do it alone, no matter how hard I try.
So will you join me? Join me, or die?
Not a dead sort of die,
But a sad sort of lackluster, given up sigh.
The one inside people who inwardly cry
And who buy things and feel lonely and don't know why.

I don't want to do that. I so want to live.
I want to live the sort of life that just gives --
The life that just gives and gives and gives and gives
Love and joy and peace and laughter
Friendship that lasts through hard stuff and thereafter.
Hope that sees worth in the truffula trees
And not in the consumeristic disease,
Value for people because they are people,
Justice that takes scales that topple and teeple
And fights for their balance -- for lives that are equal.

I want to see a world born of a story
That revolves around God and his ingenious glory
And not around capital inventory.

The story can be political, too.
In fact it’s political through and through. 
It's set in a kingdom where no one's unseen.
Where God is the King and His Church is the queen
And each human being is not a machine.
The land is sustained and the air, it is clean.

Sometimes this world seems no more than a dream
And living it out is like swimming upstream.
But though it's far off from the actual scene,
The king that we want is already the king
And he is in charge of the whole blasted thing.
And as for our need, he’s a natural spring
Of the hope, truth, and justice to which we should cling.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Lonely Places

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." (Luke 5:16)

Recently, I have found myself longing for these spaces.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Different Sort of Beginning


I created this blog several weeks ago because I wanted to have my own little space to go and dump the simple whims that my mind comes up with. A place to post three word blogs of excitement or desperation, pictures I find comforting, long rambles of emotion, things I have to say to God, cool quotes and websites… just things that kind of emulate the kind of person I am and the kinds of things I find most beautiful about life. 

I write a lot and mind dump in the middle pages of notebooks and the backs of theater programs and pieces of paper I pull out of recycling bins. I let my thoughts fly free in those places and in long word documents that would confuse anyone trying to read them. 

This isn’t the place for all of that stuff. A lot of that, you don’t need to know. And a lot of it, if you do want to know, I would much rather tell you about when you can look in my eyes and read what I have to say in my touch and in my silence. I really long to be heard and understood, but that can’t come through blog posts. I do like to write though, and I believe that maybe I can share small pieces of myself here that might somehow open you to a new understanding of some small aspect of life. 

Anyway, if you’re at all familiar with A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh, you’ll probably remember how Christopher Robin and all of the stuffed creatures would gather together on a little wooden bridge and play that game where they dropped sticks off one side of the bridge, and raced to the other side to see whose would come out first. I’ve always loved that game, and I think it’s a great picture of beautiful simplicity – it’s a game that necessitates the involvement of other people, it doesn’t hinder the environment in any way, and though you can put careful thought into which stick you choose and where you drop it, it is the water that is in charge of bringing it to the other side. And ultimately, it’s more about the enjoyment of the game with friends than winning. 

I kind of view life to be simple like that. Life is best lived when you do it with others, treat the earth you’re living on as home, and do your best without taking on the burden of the way everything turns out. God is the one that strings our story together. 

It’s ironic that I am writing my first blog post for a blog whose aim is to refocus on simplicity because I’m not feeling very simple right now. I don’t know how to fully explain myself because I myself do not understand all of the things happening inside of me, which is often the case, but lately I’ve been in a downward spiral. I have so many thoughts and feelings and so much desire and brokenness trapped inside of me with limited time and limited space to process any of it and limited people who have limited time and space to support me. 

This feeling of being trapped and bound by time and expectations and things that I don’t understand has been growing larger inside of me for awhile now, and for the past week, I’ve just felt like running away to a place where I can be completely alone so that I can do nothing, see no one, and just surrender to what is inside of me, letting it run wild.

These things in my mind and heart are so strong that I am physically aching. My soul is just writhing on the inside.  I can’t think of another word that describes this hurt better than a real, deep aching. 

I don’t completely know why I feel this now or what has changed in my life between a month ago and this moment, but I feel different and I’m exploring this season of seeking inner solitude in a life surrounded by people who want me to be happy and expect me to do so much. I am trying to learn how to let go of the optimism I hold onto out of fear of what happens if I let it go. I am trying to be okay with not meeting everyone’s expectations and hopes for me.

This place of life that I’m in now is hard and it hurts, but I cannot help but notice a tiny flicker of hopefulness that sits inside me – that says there is good in all of this, that says I will learn new depths of trust, simplicity and joy if I let myself go to be present to the hurt and let it purge me and wash me out. 

God moves even in the darkest of places. And I’m starting to notice that as God weaves my story together, the dark places are some of the most integral and beautiful threads.