I Give You Back

by Joy Harjo

I release you, my beautiful and terrible 
fear. I release you. Bu you were my beloved 
and hated twin, but now, I don't know you 
as myself. I release you with all the 
pain I would know at the death of 
my children.

You are not my blood anymore.

I give you back to the soldiers
who burned down my home, beheaded my children, 
raped and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who stole the
food from our plates when we were starving.

I release you, fear, because you hold
these scenes in front of me and I was born
with eyes that can never close.

I release you
I release you
I release you
I release you

I am not afraid to be angry.
I am not afraid to rejoice.
I am not afraid to be black.
I am not afraid to be white.
I am not afraid to be hungry.
I am not afraid to be full.
I am not afraid to be hated. 
I am not afraid to be loved.

to be loved, to be loved, fear.

Oh, you have choked me, but I gave you the leash. 
You have gutted me but I gave you the knife.
You have devoured me, but I laid myself across the fire.

I take myself back, fear. 
You are not my shadow any longer. 
I won't hold you in my hands.
You can't live in my eyes, my ears, my voice
my belly, or in my heart my heart
my heart    my heart

But come here, fear
I am alive and you are so afraid
                                                           of dying.